Second, guys, I am really sorry about your penises. You know, the ones we took away from you with our book clubs and our vampire TV shows.

Update: Jezebel has a whole article on the sad superbowl dudes too:

Only a few minutes into the 3rd quarter and it was evident that a theme had already emerged, namely, advertisements aimed at emasculated men and the harpies who have sucked the manhood and life out of them. The pattern kicked off with this Snickers/Betty White ad, and I must admit that I laughed the first time I watched it – who wouldn’t laugh at the former Golden Girl yelling, “That’s not what your girlfriend said!” But as the night went on, it became clear that the Snickers spot was the first of many ads starring emasculated males who need to “man up” via various products.

Buzzfeed has got a compendium of the commercials trying to sell us sad men stuff. My favorite good commercial from the night, “The Green Police:”