Steroids Are Not Bad
I’m fed up with the whole “steroids are bad” debate. The morons like Brian Williams who stutter in fury when trying to express their rage are as bad as the clowns who sit and interview Mark McGuire as if he’s some brave, tortured soul for admitting to them he used steroids. It’s a stupid, mindless debate perpetuated by backward troglodytes and insipid oafs who elevate the activity of sport to a halcyon level it deserved neither now nor in the past. There is no argument that explains either why steroids are banned in baseball or why the goddamned Senate needs to get involved.
For those of you who read this blog and are interested in sports, I dare you to make a coherent argument defending steroids. Challenge any one of my points below. Make new ones of your own. Impress me.
A: Why we should care that athletes use them:
1. “These are fallen heroes.” Athletes are never heroes. There is nothing heroic about swinging a club or catching a ball or tackling an opponent. Impressive, amazing, great, cool, fun, awe-inspiring but not heroic.
2. “They are role models for society.” They are not role models. Some of the worlds greatest athletes were amoral, reckless, and selfish. Our society needs to stop being constantly impressed by jerks like Lance Armstrong. After his wife supported him through his cancer, he dumped her, leveraged his freakish cycling ability to make himself famous and wealthy, balled Sherill Crow for a while and is now working his way through actresses and singers. Tiger Woods, Babe Ruth, Ben Roethlisberger, I could go on until I passed out.
3. “But…but…kids look up to them.” I don’t care. Kids look up to rappers and rock stars and war heroes and hippies and super villains and vampires and the blue cat people from Avatar. Kids are impressionable, but that is up to a parent to guide them away from idolizing bad people.
4. “Parents can’t control kids, role models have influence.” So I guess then what you’re saying is we should make every activity we don’t want kids doing illegal for adults too? Is that your argument? Why is this specific topic where you get to insert your moralizing?
B: Steroids are dangerous:
5. “The pressure to use steroids is too much.” No the pressure to play and excel at sports is too much. That the stereotypical “popular” kid in high school – school, as in place of learning – is the head football player and cheerleader is a goddamned travesty. Steroids are a symptom of our miserable failed public school system. Ever wonder why there is so little pressure to take cognitive stimulants?
6. “Steroids are dangerous when misused.” That’s what the word misused implies. Take too much ibuprofen to get over an injury? You’ll permanently damage your stomach lining and liver. Even Gatorade is ‘dangerous.’ The stuff is pure sodium and sugar. If you haven’t been working out, it sends your sodium levels through the roof (read: heart disease) and, if you’re not chugging it, the little sips you take dissolve your teeth at record pace.
7. “But steroids are really dangerous, even when used properly.” Says who? All of these professional sports teams knowingly allow their athletes, who have signed multi-million dollar contracts that hinge on keeping their health in perfect condition, not only to use steroids, but provide doctors who supervise, adjust dosages, and carefully monitor their progress. And by doing so, these men avoided all the classic side effects of steroid abuse. But they’re still dangerous? Really?
8. “High school coaches can’t provide appropriate supervision.” So make safe usage information public the way we do with every other drug. Furthermore, who the hell trusts high school coaches period. Most coaches are pathetic, failed athletes themselves who are a creepy drain on resources, because win-or-lose they suck funds for uniforms and equipment and are required to hold teaching jobs they hate. For every great coach, there are thousands of pathetic geography and woodshop teachers who spend their after school hours extracting vengeance for their own failed lives upon the lives of budding students. Any counter-example of a good, useful high school coach only reinforces my argument – either you admit coaches can provide appropriate supervision or you admit your exception proves my rule.
C: Big Moral Arguments:
9. “The government has a responsibility to-” Let me stop you right there. No they don’t. Steroids are not illegal. Either make them illegal or shut. up.
10. “It ruins baseball.” Why baseball? Why is there no panic about usage in football or hockey or the WWE or basketball? Because of a bunch of statistics nerds are mad that their projections will be thrown off by technology. That’s why.
11. “It ruins the spirit of sport.” Oh. But carbon fiber sticks and million dollar training camps and computer designed race hulls and team nutritionists and safety neck-braces and feather weight cleats don’t. And lets not forget the millions poured into helping athletes heal and recover more quickly. Anyone who treats steroids differently is willfully ignorant.
That’s it. It’s out of my system. Come up with a counter-argument that’s internally coherent and blow my mind.
Tags: Athletics, BP, Rant, Steroids
Pop Transhumanism | Kyle Munkittrick | 
January 13, 2010 11:31 am
By Eric Tatro, January 13, 2010 @ 1:43 pm
For years I’ve wanted to see a total sports mutant league where no substances are banned – field entire teams of Ivan Dragos out there and see what feats of athleticism they accomplish.
Beyond steroids, illicit drugs have been a part of sports for years. Baseball players were notorious for using amphetamines prior to games to increase their energy and attention. Not that I’m encouraging their use, mind you, but to think that somehow the modern era is “tainted” by drug use is naive.
By Ryan, January 15, 2010 @ 3:56 am
While, yes, I have imbibed a couple Pabst Blue Ribbons I think the matter is this: competitive balance.
It may be true that regulated usage of steroids is not dangerous, however, when you make their usage taboo the real issues occur. So, in a sense I do agree with you.
My issue is when entire teams are made up “artificial muscle.” What this does is create an unfair competitive balance and a culture of steroid use. Suddenly, to be a productive all-star caliber player, you use steroids and other PED’s, as evidenced by the spike in homeruns in the “steroid era”. Furthermore, this snowballs when young people start to use the drug because they see it as a foray into professional sports and, because of their lack of resources, are not monitored in their usage the same way professional athletes are. Your point on high school coaches stands, they are often pathetic, and as a result must not be trusted to administer drugs to young people. Who does this responsibility fall to then? The over worked parent? A doctor, who may or may not have the kids best interest at heart?
By making users into pariahs we are not only saving ourselves valuable resources such as a doctor’s time, but we are in fact making the sport and child healthier. It is true, though, that I want to see a freakish league of steroid fueled monsters jack homeruns and hurdle defenders, but that is more of a sideshow. Sports are just a fancy way of saying “play.” I, for one, do not want to play with a steroid using jackass who has the potential to freak out on my in the locker room. PEACE.
By Hervé Musseau, January 15, 2010 @ 7:23 am
The American school system, as per point 5, stumps everyone else. There is no football players and cheerleaders in high school elsewhere, where academics is the only measure, not sports. There are special schools with an adapted program for sports, though.
Friday Light Nights is fiction to us.
By Kyle Munkittrick, January 15, 2010 @ 10:14 am
@ Ryan
1. The muscle is not “artificial.” Athletes who use steroids are able to work out longer and harder, recovering faster, but the work still has to be done and the muscle tone is real.
2. To be an “all-star caliber” player, one must already make lots of other sacrifices and decisions. Steroids is just one more, along with training constantly, practicing technique, and committing to one sport as opposed to another. There are always costs.
3. When substances are legalized, information on safe usage is prolific. Even the most moronic coach knows his students shouldn’t take more than the suggested dosage of ibuprofen. Making a user a pariah discourages that person from using safely. Your logic is self-defeating: protect children by making sure they don’t have information they need and are fearful to ask for it.
In short: None of the points you made are new, they’re all addressed in my original post.
By Kyle Munkittrick, January 15, 2010 @ 10:22 am
@Herve
High School sports, like the arts, are important. They are great for school unity and encouraging fitness, both of which help elevate mood and increase mental acuity. It’s when sports become the central focus instead of academics that they become a problem.
The tragedy of “Friday Night Lights” is not that it’s about football, but that it is the normative lens for understanding school. Hopefully shows like Glee will work to change that.
By Ryan, January 15, 2010 @ 5:48 pm
It is true that I did not read your entire post and my fingers ran away with this one. I had to argue the other side, which proves to be a tough sell with how much the media has demonized steroid usage, and how safe the drug can actually be. I do have a hard time believing that professional sports organizations provide a “steroid progress doctor” that administers ‘roids and prevents all classic signs of steroid usage. Most of these guys getting busted have ties to third party trainers, not internal locker room doctors and organizational staff. Plus how can you say for certain all these users have avoided the fabled ‘roid rage or other side effects? Remember when Barry Bonds’ voice seemed a pitch higher?
My biggest issue is this: there are going to be athletes who want to be natural. The commissioners of their respective leagues will want their players to be natural. If you were to legalize, how would the foundation of that respective league be broken? It comes down to fairness. There needs to be a level playing field in sport, and as long as there are athletes who refuse to use the substance it will not be fair for them. Why do you think there was such a guff over the Mayweather v. Pacquiao fight? Mayweather wanted the competitive balance to be equal and he wanted proof it would be with blood testing results. Pacquiao refused his testing parameters, and as a result will ALL miss out on what could have been a fight for the ages. While you have addressed the “pureness” of sport and how technology is quickly turning hands into super glue and feet into grass shredding traction finders, there still are old timers who find pureness in the smell of the rosin bag and overweight pitchers. What would ESPN be without John Kruk?!
Plus, who would take over in the fight for wondering why our balls have shrunken so much? Senate, congress, CNN?
By Sports Star Pro Mary, July 14, 2010 @ 11:41 pm
Steroids are developed as therapeutic drugs to treat several medical conditions. This is why the compounds are classified as prohibited in many countries like the United States. This means that you must have a valid prescription to legally obtain one. However, with the new trend is no doubt that the non-medical use of these substances has legitimate medical offset effects of steroids.
By Sports Star Pro, July 14, 2010 @ 11:51 pm
Steroids are hormone drugs that make athletes stronger and more muscular. This is an obvious advantage on the football field.
By Sports Star Pro, July 14, 2010 @ 11:57 pm
Steroids are said to have a bad side effects to the body which can last longer even lifetime. Cardiovascular diseases are said to be the number one effect of taking steroids. High blood pressure, hardening of arteries, palpitations and high cholesterol levels are some of the bad effects of steroids.